why it matters

I don’t deal well with loss. With rejection. With losing. And by don’t deal well I mean I don’t.

I don’t get over it quickly, if ever. I don’t move on or cut my losses or focus on the future. It’s just not how I’m built.

And listen, I’m quite aware that there are skills to dealing. Steps to take. But none of that sits well with me.

None of it seems, real.

I’ve lived with the past in my head my whole life.

Reading young, entranced with stories and books and the rare movie I would see.

There was nothing I loved more than getting into the past, inside the story, inside someone’s story. That has never left me.

And then one day in my normal adult life, I saw a promo for a tv show. I was riveted. Not just by the wholly different team of three, a black man, a white man, and a woman, but what they were doing; they were running through TIME. I was hooked.

That was two and a half years ago. It was a really heated and stressful time in our country. And getting hotter.

Then the worst thing happened in our election and I knew it was going to get harder, much harder.

During that fall and winter, the show, Timeless, kept me grounded, hopeful even. Every week for 16 weeks there was a bright spot to totally lose myself in, even if just for an hour.

In times of upheaval and unrest, art is not a luxury. It much more than that.

And I am beholden to many genius, generous-spirited people: people of color, women, LGBTQ folks, feminists, disability advocates, fat acceptance warriors and exvangelicals, who have done the work of and living resistance, many for their entire lives.

Because they shared. Took valuable emotional time and taught and spoke and made art and gave advice. The place I learned from and found all of this treasure; Twitter.

Social media gets blamed for everything. And much of the serious problems do need addressed far differently, and by far more and far different people than who have dominated the conversation for some time. But it has another function too.

In the middle of the world looking different to me and more unstable than ever in my eyes, I found community.

When Timeless was cancelled last year, I was shocked and angry and sad. And then one or two smart people at nbc resurrected it for a second season.

The first episodes didn’t air until this spring. So nearly two years between seasons, and then, to my disappointment a smaller number of episodes. On a Sunday night at 10 pm. And the onus of proving it’s worth-strictly in live-views and advertising dollars-was put on the show and it’s fans.

To say things have become harder in this country during the past year and half is not saying enough.

The ones thriving tho? The 1%.

The people struggling, fighting for existence, employment, health, security, basic rights? Children, people of color, LGBTQ, women, disabled, people in poverty, those living in marginalized bodies? It is harder every day.

Where I exist is not close to that. My upper middle class stratification is tighter than it was, but I live in privileged circles.

Very white, very privileged circles.

I do what I can to work with the resistance. And that is never enough and doesn’t come close to what I want to do.

I’ve learned though, in the past few years that I have my own battles, mental health disorders and physical challenges that are complex and exhausting to fight.

If I’m going to be in for the long haul, I’ve had to learn to give myself the grace and space I give others- to myself too.

Self care is going to look different for everyone. Movies, books, tv shows, those work for me.

And excellent storytelling can be transformative.

This is what Timeless has done. Not just for me, for so many.

Most shows leave me wishing for more…something.

Timeless isn’t perfect but my god it is as close to perfection as I’ve found. It mixes history (real, factual, lesser known), science/sci-fi, adventure, humor, fashion, romance, and deals with relationships in the most authentic, non-stereotypical, modern, non eye-roll relatable ways.

Like I said, I love this show.

I’m well aware of what some people think of what I’ve spent my past two months focusing on. (And to be completely real, I’ve judged myself too).

That is, working online to help ensure our (this fandom has a name, clockblockers) show has another season.

We all make choices and I’ve been lucky to have the time to connect with as smart, funny, nerdy bunch of people as I’ve met on Twitter. We started with one thing in common. Timeless.

We found out today that nothing we did was enough for nbc. That what this incredible show, and fan base it had created, wasn’t going to work. We are quite aware of how businesses function. Especially antiquated ones like network tv. While they gave us the gift of this show they also took it away, too soon.

The hero and leader of this series is a woman named Lucy Preston. She is a normal person, who was a history professor, living a normal mapped out life, whose world was turned upside down. But what makes her so captivating is that she isn’t a superhero.

She’s smart (loves to share her knowledge, aka talk) and a leader (bossy know it all), and well, clumsy. She’s beautiful but doesn’t see herself that way, a self described nerd and kind and self sacrificing (to her detriment sometimes) and incredibly loyal.

She is complex emotionally and her relationships are messy, and she is allowed that space on this show.

Timeless showcases women, people of color, LGBTQ people in all sorts of careers and roles and relationships. It’s radically inclusive by making all of this just normal, while tackling the real and often uncomfortable stories of history.

Which is why it is ahead of its time.

And I haven’t even gone on and on about the actors (oh my lord!), the sets, the costuming, the plots, the show creators, the writing and writers.

The family this uniquely different show has made. Its really a special group of people.

So yeah, I’m upset. I’m angry and disappointed in another big company/network not seeing the true value in a show.

I’m heartbroken that it seems there is no place to take this show and continue its stories, and that is a tragedy.

I’m not dealing well with this, at all, because I always mourn when beautiful things are lost or taken.

This week in particular has been a new level of hell in my newsfeed. Things are happening, have been happening that are unspeakable. I can’t get my mind around any of it, as much as I try.

So, what does it matter that my tv show got cancelled in the middle of this chaos and destruction?

I believe that the one way to truly heal is to understand.

And their are precious few things of art to turn to and take in and consume that are as heartfelt and charming and as transforming as Timeless.

It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to fight harder to protect the future from past mistakes.

And now I, we, don’t have the goodness that this show is, to look forward too. The endless stories that need told will be kept silent.

It wasn’t until tonight when I was alone with my thoughts that I fully understood that the impact of this show, and for me in particular, Lucy Preston on my screen, has been profound.

It has made me feel seen.

We all need to be seen. We need to know someone sees us. That they can see what we’re going through.

And by acknowledging that, they give us our humanity, and the strength to persist and endure.

So yes, by finding the ways I can to help fight for the good and true in the here and now, if Timeless can help one other person feel represented, heard, and seen, really seen? I’ll fight for that too.

More now than ever.

Wow if you’re reading this, you made it through my “not my best work but not bad enough to trash” attempt to express my passion for Timeless. Thanks for reading 😘 Hollie

Update: Since I wrote this, horrible things continue to be done on the name of politics, and people are scared, suffering, hurting. But also, reaching out, caring, creating community.

My fellow fans (Clockblockers) raised money to fly a helicopter and banner over the San Diego Comic Con. It got attention and got Timeless a 2 hour “holiday movie wrap up”.

Which I’m not fine with, but those who want more like I do are continuing to press for more seasons, and we are gaining viewers from our persistent fight to be seen and heard.

We believe this show is important enough both behind the scenes and on the screen to continue so that it reaches more people and changes more lives, for the better.

Because stories can change the world. But only if those stories are heard.

You can watch Timeless Seasons 1&2 on Hulu.